Dear You,
I clearly understand now how you could abuse me and our children. It's because you are a man without any desire to be anything other than who you are. You are a self absorbed, angry and controlling man, who is this legendary great King that feels he's entitled to get what he wants. I guess you couldn't get me under your control and make me into what you wanted me to be, which was your perfect mirror to reflect your imagined and false image you have of yourself. And, I have gone through the pain of working towards accepting that you will never change, for my sake or for the sake of our children more importantly. You can't change for anyone elses sake, because you don't want to change for the sake of yourself alone.
Your beatings, rapings, verbal assaults, isolation from my family and friends, intimidation techniques, merciless attacks on my character and attempts to change my personal beliefs bended my spirit to feel like I was nothing but scum beneath your shoes. But, what you could not do is not break my spirit. And, when it came time for me to break the cycle of abuse from you, I guess that had you raging with fear. For, you knew at that moment that you were losing control over me and losing your future tool to get your supply of whatever it is that you need at the moment to make you feel mighty and powerful. So, the last ditch effort to hang on to whatever control of me that you could, you lied about me and blew my minor flaws up into much bigger flaws than they really are, and accused me of wanting to alienate you from our children in court.
I was mortified when the Judge slammed down her gavel and ordered that our children to be in your custodial care, despite my many attempts to prove that you are a danger to them. I spun into a whirlwind of confusion, anger, fear, and horrifying pain as I walked out of that courtroom to go back to my home where my children waited to hear the most terrifying news they could ever imagine hearing. They were forced to be your actors of a horrific play that you wrote and forced to act the equally horrific script that you wrote. We had always been safe in the others lives every single day, we knew no other way, and you changed our most beautiful life that day. All I could scream out in my head back then was, "How could the Judge, the Guardian Ad Litem and Child Protective Service social worker betray me and our children by not giving us our basic right to be protected from you?"
Ever since you have continued to use our children by abusing them in every way possible, just to strike back at me. What's so horribly sad, is that you don't care what they go through for your sick need to hurt me. I tell you something. You will never have the type of control which you so desire to have over me. I'll tell you something else. I now know about the corruption of the system and how they make money off of you, you sick monster. Ha! Here you thought the Judge, Guardian Ad Litem and CPS social worker liked you better than me and that they thought you were the safest parent for our children. Back then, I thought so too. But, now I know that they don't give a rats ass about you and they only chose you because you are the abusive parent, because they know as long as our children are being abused by you, they can count on me to constantly fight legal battles to protect our children from you.
You see, money that will be spent to stuff the wallets of DSHS, CPS worker, the Guardian Ad Litem, Lawyers, Expert Witnesses, the Courthouse, and the Judge will generate a healthy profitt for them. How corrupt and dark they all are to use us to make money for themselves, all while they turn their heads away from you and let you walk away free to keep abusing us! But, mark my words. The winds of change have begun. I have the keys that will unlock the door to freedom from your abuse, and our children and I will be walking through it soon. The keys are truth and justice. Truth will set us free and justice will prevail. When this happens, you will know exactly how much of a little and evil man you are. Just imagining this day and the look on your face when it does is what keeps me dreaming and holding onto faith that we will one day be totally free from you and your evil ways.
So, in all reality......I've come to be aware that you've never really been in control. All the abuse you pour out onto our children to hurt me, will not prevail. God forbid if you carry out your past threats to kill me and our children if I don't learn how to be a good ex-wife and just shut my mouth, because you will pay the price of freedom from being locked up in prison for life. It's just a matter of time you will find this out for yourself. Because, the system that you think is going to always be there to help you keep me and our children in your abusive control, they all will spit you out when they are done using you. We will be free from you in the end, just wait and see.
Sincerely Me,
Their Mom
